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For the longest time, I have felt like having a life coach was a complete crock. Everywhere I looked, somebody was claiming they were a life coach, a business coach, a relationship coach, etc.

This made me question...What is a coach and what do they even do? Since everybody call now claim to be one. Everybody now had all the answers to all our problems.

I wasn't buying it. Years ago, my husband and I tried counseling and the experience was not at all what I was expecting. It was a free service through his job. The experience felt like it was free, and I clearly went in with my expectations way too high.

I wanted...

answers,

homework,

suggestions,

tips,

tricks,

anything.

But that's not what I got. We just talked and shared our grievances with no feedback. Looking back, I thought, maybe that's how the process goes in the beginning, but I/we both weren't feeling her "style" and never went back. It felt like a waste of time because everything we were sharing with her, we had already talked out about many times. We needed more probing questions, anything, but we got ...nothing. She asked her initial 'Why are you here?' question and that was pretty much it. My thought was, for that, we could continue talking about it amongst ourselves at home, instead of getting all vulnerable with a stranger and getting nothing in return.

I realize now, that we probably did ourselves a disservice by not giving it more time.

Needless to say, I was skeptical when I started seeing life coaches popping up EVERYWHERE. The term was so general, I wondered how it could possibly be effective.

I continued to think...

"Can someone that hardly knows me, really know better than me how I should be living my life?". Inside, my answer was a hard "NO!" so, I never pursued, looked into, or considered ever getting a coach for any of the things..

I figured if I "DID THE WORK" and got familiar with my hangups, triggers, etc. and made a conscious effort to work through them, I'd be alright on my own.

Besides, I have read many a self-help, spirituality, parenting, relationship, etc. books. So, I was sure I could figure it out on my own. The knowledge I aquired over the years helped me learn myself better, and I saw progress so this is how I continued.

YET! there were still areas of my life where I was stuck, repeating the same cycles, unable to break free from my habitual thoughts and responses.

I was at a standstill in my personal growth in several areas, but having someone assist me with these issues never once crossed my mind.

Some of my close friends had gone to counseling, had mentors, parenting coaches, etc. But never once did I think that any of that was for me. I just didn't see the value in it. Deep down, I thought it was silly to pay for a coach and a waste of money.

Then one day, a close friend of mine decided she wanted to become a Life Coach, and to build her expeience and business, she was looking for people to coach for little to no money in exchange for a honest review.

So, me being the amazing and loving friend I am, I volunteered to help her out, not really expecting too much. I knew she was an amazing person, she was smart, and very passionate about helping people, but due to my past experience my expectations were really low.

I didn't know what to expect, or even how she was going to help me (I mean she was new and this was free afterall), but I was open to the process. Even though, my last experience with something like this was a bust.

At the same time, I was starting to realize, that there's no way I could have all the answers or learn/study all the things, and having someone there that has a different vantage point from mine for my situations could definitely be benefical. Plus, I felt deep down that collectively, we as humans, are meant to share knowledge and learn from one another. So, I became hopeful that at the very least I would learn something useful about her, myself, or the process in general.

I am typically a very open person when it comes to sharing my thoughts. Sometimes, maybe a little too open. and very self-aware. So, I felt I would at the least have an authentic experience. Plus, I felt my newfound coach was also a person that wouldn't sugar-coat anything and would really be honest and share with me what she saw as a hangup that I hadn't thought about. I was really starting to get exctied, but also a little nervous because...again, we knew each other and I wasn't sure what would come up, and if I wanted her to know me like that. I also didn't want to hold anything back and knew I would have a hard time doing so anyway because I truly wanted to get to the heart of some of my issues, and knew that could only be done being completely honest about where I was and what was coming up for me.

So, after coming to my senses and becoming open to receiving the value of another's insight. I did a few session, talked about some problem areas in my life, and realized how much of my own shit I couldn't smell.

1. I realized how my mind tries to protect me and keep me comfortable by making excuses and telling me lies for me to not show up in my fullest potential. For example, a huge "aha!" moment I had is that just because something feels uncomfortable doesn't mean that it isn't aligned with what I want. I often busy myself with tasks to keep me from doing what's uncomfortable.

2. I am also realizing how not having clarity around what I want or continuously chasing clarity keeps me stuck. And I also realized that I am capable of moving in spight of not being totally clear or feeling like I have all my "ducks in a row" so to speak, and that taking action can actually be the thing I need to help me gain clarity.

   

3. I also learned that I am capable of changing any story or emotion in my favor when I am aware enough to recognize what is not (which ain't easy!). She also helped me see that I don't have a healthy way of processing emotions that don't feel pretty.

There is so much more that I am learning about myself, and it feels really good. Having someone help me process my deep-seeded issues in ways that I haven't been able to work out on my own, without judgment, criticism, etc., has been priceless and comforting in a way I wasn't aware I needed.

To be able to pour out my soul, my fears, my criticisms of myself, my struggles, etc. and not feel judged.This woman listened to me sniffling and snotting, and simply held space without judgment, and helped me work through my thoughts and emotions...for myself with a little coaching from her. Becoming vulnerable enough to be coached by someone has been a very serendipitous experience for me cause that ain't what I do!

I'm elated I signed up to help her "practice" her skills because I have most definitely gotten the better end of the deal.

I have held the belief that 'no one knows me as well as I know myself, and no one knows what's best for me like I do', and I still know this to be true (and so does my coach). But what I now see is that the majority of human minds work in very similar ways, whether skillful or unskillful.

Originally, I wanted to go in someone's office and get homework and they tell me what to do to fix my life and all the issues. I know, this made no sense being that I didn't think they knew ME better what I needed, but that's how it went on TV so that's what i expected. SMH. Then I would be completely unaccountable because if what they said do didn't "work", guess who I could blame???

I know now that coaching is not that at all. I am asked questions about my actions, thoughts, and emotions that help me to see what's keeping me stuck stuck. Through questioning, insights, and reflecting back to me what I've said that sometimes don't make no damn sense from the outside in. I gain clarity on what actions I need to take to move me into better alignment with my goals for myself and this life.

With all that said, this is my PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!

If you feel like you've been in a loop/cycle that you haven't been able to break free from on your own, you could probably benefit from some outside assistance like a coach, counselor, therapist, mentor, etc.

You haven't failed because you need help or weren't unable to figure your whole life out on your own. We were never meant to handle all the things on our own. There are people out here learning things you won't ever learn. Thinking about things in ways you possibly never would. Use their knowledge and insights to your benefit by allowing them to assist you.

"...Take advantage, man...take advantage."- Smokey

Peace and Blessings,

Shonnea